Some notes I wrote after ministering at a New Age Expo a few weeks ago:

It is hard to know where to start. The whole experience was an answer to prayer. Our little group of "crazy people" was very inspired by the movie Furious Love where they showed Christians going to such conferences and sharing the love of God. That is what we wanted to do, to share the love of God.
I went into the expo not knowing what to expect. Would I be shaking all the time in the presence of the occult (I am normally very sensitive to these things)? Would I be able to be an enrichment to the team? Fortunately I did not shake much at all and I did find ways to be a part from cleaning, to making coffee, to talking to people. It was such a positive experience. The morning was spend trying to persuade people to go to Gianni's seminar and I pulled out my best smile and marketing side to try and get people to go. It took a few tries to figure out how to best approach this target audience. I was there in my most Indian shirt trying to fit in and show these people that God loves them just the way they are... and I found in the end that such an approach worked best! I simply held out the Bible verse cards and told passer byes to "close your eyes, grab a card, and see what God wants to tell you today!" That was right up their alley! Almost everyone responded and eagerly closed their eyes and grabbed a card. I would then read the card with them and tell them what I felt God was trying to say. I encouraged them that God loved them and wanted to help them through difficult situations and that we were there offering free prayer for any and all requests. Some people seemed touched, some seemed amused, and a lot of them went to the seminar (which I promoted as being "the place to be if you are at all interested in healing!" :p). I was able to pray with a few people and God lovingly gave impressions for them which seemed to touch them. Overall throughout the day I really believe a lot of people at that expo got a sense that God sees them and cares about them from the awesome team at our stand. I feel very privileged to have been able to work with such wonderful people that all had the same goal, to show God's love. I personally was so touched by how God reached out to these people in ways that they understood. I find it so touching how He does that with all of us. He will reach out in the most unconventional ways so that we hear Him, see Him, and can know He loves us.
I am really so thankful to have been able to be a part of this and continue to pray for the people I encountered and prayed with and generally for all the seed that was sown. Many people now have flyers from City Church and I am praying that at any moment of questioning, they will see that flyer and go to the place where they can get answers. I was able to witness God doing tremendous amount of inner healing in a older woman that we prayed for and in young lady that Dominik and I prayed for. I am continuing to pray for both that God will continue to show them His love and peace.
Overall we all came out with a stronger sense of God's love for people. He is not out to attack... He is out to love. The enemy is already defeated anyways! It's about love now.

Thank you once again to everyone at City Church for the trust in us and this wonderful opportunity!

Ok. So maybe the title is a little dramatic. There is definitely some truth to it though. Because I am sitting here writing this feeling as if I am finally figuring out what it really means to be a Christ follower.

And oh! I am so far from it! But oh! I am so on the path! :)

It's been a whirlwind year. I remember praying about eight months ago with all my heart: " Lord, I want t lose my life. I don't want to try and save it. I want to lose my life for your sake. I want the crazy Jesus life. I want all you have for me!"

Dangerous prayer.

You see, I had everything set up quite nicely at that point.. I started teaching Kindergarten shortly after, I was leading kids mnistry at my church and loving it, I had an awesome apartment in an awesome location that was all mine with an awesome kitchen I cooked awesome food in and I constantly had friends over. I was a leader in a group at my church and that was great. I was even engaged to a guy who was at Seminary studying God's word! 

But something was missing. I knew there was more out there. I knew there was more to God than I was expiriencing and I felt like something was blocking me from really going all out.

So I prayed the prayer. I was done. I was done with superficial Christianity. I wanted to expirience the living God. for realz.

The guy? Not so much, said he did but didn't mean it. We broke up.

The church that was my life? God had other plans.

The apartment I loved? Gone.

Kindergarten teaching? My boss turned out to be a kook.

Gone. All gone. My life gone.

As I sat there losing everything I had held on to... something happened. I started to hear God. Like really. Finally!!

It's hard to describe what happened after because I can honestly say I had nothing to do with it.

God took over. He took control.

Next thing I know, I'm hanging out with people that have the same desire I do. It just happened. Next thing I know, I'm becoming friends with someone who is not the kind of person I normally hang out with and it's important to me. Why? I don't know! Next thing I know I am going to conferences.. I just... I just booked it! Something came over me. Next thing I know, I am living with my dad.. and it's actually great. Next thing I know, I sign up for counseling school and it all works out. Finally! Next thing I know, I am best friends with someone who became a huge part of my life and my spiritual walk. Next thing I know, God is using me and speaking to me more and it's amazing.

Today I sit here after a looong weekend. I had a whole self discovery seminar with my school. I had to do all kinds of stuff like draw a carpet of my life and write a fairytale of my life, etc. etc.

Then at one point I had to pick two things of all I had brought from my life and write about it. I knew exactly what to pick. A picture of one of my Kindergarten kids and a newspaper (it does go together, ask me sometime. :)). So I started to write. I wrote about how these things inspired me to become a play therapist.

What I wasn't ready for was the emotion. I'm not an emotional person. It takes a lot to get me to cry and I often think I might be too cold hearted. So the emotions came and I was completely overwelmed at the realization of just how important this is to me. How much I want to do this. How it is my heart.

After school that evening, I was out with my friend and processing everything and I realized something.

I didn't plan any of this.

If you know me, you know I plan. A lot. everything. At least I try to! At least I used to.

Somehow, in these past three months especially, I stopped planning. I stopped trying to be older than I am. I stopped controlling. It just happened. It's quite miraculous.

So there I sat in this pub on Saturday night and it hit me. I didn't plan any of this. ANYTHING.

Absolutely every aspect of my life right now from where I live, to what I work, to where I study, to who my friends are. Every aspect of my life has not been planned by me and divinely ordained by God.

Despite my bitching (excuse my language, but I really did not take all this change so graciously!) God answered my prayer.

He chose all of this. And you know what? He knows me SO much better than I know myself! His way is so much better than mine.

I realized this weekend.. I LIKE my life right now. I know I am right where I am supposed to be.

Wow. So amazing.

So yeah, getting to the point where God is driving took what? 12 years?

Dear reader.. listen to me. It's scary as get all, it's quite an adventrue.

But losing your life? SO worth it! :)

I dare you, pray the dangerous prayer, mean it.. and see what God does!

hugs,

<><Mariana><>